The newcomer's guide to moving out West

I live in Arizona, which is in the West. And I moved here twice, once in 1977 from the east (Minnesota) and the second time in 1989, from California, which is geographically west of Arizona, but really isn't the West. And if you're new to the West, you may be wondering how to be more comfortable there, and to get less giggles from the locals. You're probably wondering how you can fit in.

But rest assured, you'll never fit in, and the more you try the more ridiculous you'll look to the locals. And as one of those people, I can tell you what has worked for me - embrace that you're an outsider. I call it being a "Stranger in a Strange Land", which sounds a whole lot better than what it really is, which is being a total goofball among people who are comfortable living somewhere.

And I don't care how long you've lived there, you will always be a stranger. If people ask you where you're from, tell them where you grew up. They want to know why you talk so funny, why you eat the food you eat, and that kind of stuff happens to you when you're a kid. I tell people that I'm from Minneapolis, even though I haven't lived there since 1977, and if they ask if I know a particular restaurant, or a freeway in Minneapolis, I try to change the subject to where I lived most recently before I moved to Arizona, which was California. Even that is getting kinda hazy to me now!

So go ahead and wear your Golden Gophers sweatshirt. You can put on a hat with the logo of the local team, but if you try to pretend to be a real local, who grew up somewhere, you'll just look ridiculous. And people want to be polite to you, so give them a break. Be yourself. If you have an accent from Wisconsin that's so extreme that it makes the dogs in Wyoming howl, let it go, you're fine. And for goodness sake, don't try to say "gracias" in a Mexican Food restaurant. It just makes everyone uncomfortable. Go ahead and say "You betcha!" if that's what comes naturally out of you. People will love you for that.

In many places being someone who has always been there is a very elite group. It can't be faked with "Arizona pin-striping" on your truck, or wearing Tony Lamas. Let it go, and give the locals the dignity of being locals. In their world, there's a pecking order too, such as having parents who grew up there, and grandparents, etc. And if you talk to someone who is Indian (or Native American if you prefer), you just have to realize that nobody is even in their class. Let it go.

Welcome to the West! Make yourself comfortable, be yourself. And try the salsa!