Spending stolen money in old-time Phoenix


I've never been a criminal myself, but I've always had a fascination for them, going back to when I started reading Batman comics as a kid. And more often than not, the criminals were motivated by money, which they would steal.

And as a kid, I wondered if they were just going to steal money, why didn't they just go and steal the stuff that money can buy? I mean, why would they steal enough money to go buy a car, and not just steal the car itself? And in the course of a long life I've pondered this, and I think that I'm beginning to understand the answer. Let's go back to old-time Phoenix and steal some money.

The biggest bank in Phoenix, Valley Bank, is on Adams between Central and 1st Avenue. My plan is to walk in there, say "stick 'em up" and have them fill the bags with money while you wait outside in the getaway car. I recommend that you double-park, and keep revving up the engine. When you see me run out, hit the throttle and high-tail it!

And this is where my imaginary story gets stuck for me. Speaking for myself, if I suddenly were to find myself with a large amount of money, especially cash, I would go find the best bank in town, deposit it there, have them guard it, and withdraw what I need as necessary. So, for me, I would just have to loop back around, and drop me back off at the Valley Bank to open an account. And I suppose I'd win the award for "dumbest criminal" when they recognized me from ten minutes ago.

Of course, the correct thing for a criminal to do is to get out of town. And maybe this helps me to understand criminal behavior, even the kind of petty criminal behavior that we all do. Admit it, you've stolen a towel from a motel, right? I never have, not because I'm some kind of angel or anything, it's just because I have plenty of sandpaper here, and the places I've been able to afford to stop at don't have towels worth stealing.

Of course, criminals don't always have to leave town. Many times they stay put, and just prey on victims that they consider deserving of being victimized, like out-of-town visitors, or maybe rich people, or wealthy companies. This may explain why people will rob from their neighbors, because there's a thought of "us" and "them". Of course, there are criminals who will steal from their closest friends and family, but most don't - they steal from other people's friends and families.

That may explain why criminals like to steal money, because they can pay for things, like a meal at their brother-in-law's restaurant, and maybe leave a generous tip. They could, of course, just go in there with "guns-a-blazing", grab some meatloaf, but it probably wouldn't go over too well with the wife when she found out about it.

Speaking for myself, I've never been tempted to be a criminal. I wanted to be Batman when I was a little kid, then Captain America, and then all of the heroes who stood for justice. I may have taken an extra packet of sugar at the iHop a few times, but my crimes have been very petty.
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